Posts by Jana Rawling

Hello, I am a Creative. And, a faith-filled CRPS/POTS/Fibromyalgia warrior (That's Complex Regional Pain Syndrome & Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). Nice to meet you.

The Beginning

The book that got things started.

The following is an excerpt from a book I’m writing called, 21 Pieces.

It all started at this house-church meeting I’d been attending for a while when the facilitator handed me a book on Multiple Personalities. He wanted me to read it to see if I connected with what it said from a ministry opportunity perspective. We had been discussing the idea of fracturing of the human soul and spirit that Scripture mentions, and the possibility that these breaks need healing.

I couldn’t put the book down.

The book began with a warning: “If you suspect Satanic Ritual Abuse in your past do not read any further.” Intrigued and a bit frightened I prayed for protection before reading more. That wasn’t going to stop me.

I never thought about SRA being a cause for DID. I had suspected the trauma of sexual abuse as a factor and this book confirmed it. But SRA is a possibility for me. I had some strange dreams in the past that made me wonder if I had any SRA in my background. That and my Grandpa was a Freemason; Grandma was in the Order of the Eastern Stars. Rumors say that these groups have connections to Satanism though I don’t remember anything like that growing-up. My Grandparents were more like my Mom and Dad than anyone else in my family. I lived with them off-and-on all the way through high school. They’re both gone now, and I miss them dearly.

Regardless of what my Grandparents may or may not have done, it was obvious I had generational sin and curses to work through. I know that for sure because my Mother was a New Ager, which brings its own bag of lies into my life. When I turned 16 my Mother gave me a Bible and her set of old Tarot cards, which I was good at using. Talk about confusing. I worked through deliverance and prayer to get rid of those influences in my life already. I thought that was enough at the time, never realizing I had more work to do.

Images from my dreams swam through my mind’s eye. Dark hooded figures loomed over my crib at night. I can’t remember what they were saying. I got the impression they were planning my future. And the devil is always there, sometimes as a handsome, desirable man and other times a bloody beast with long horns and a sickening grin I can’t forget. These dreams have come and gone my entire life. The book was getting more real as I continued to read.

The writing style of the book was clinical but easy to follow. I read about the history of dissociation, alternative personality systems, and various therapeutic treatment options. I was stunned as I flipped through the pages learning theories about fracturing and reading case studies of DID patients. I couldn’t ebb the flow of tears warming my cheeks. I thought, “This is it. This is me.” Nothing could have shocked me more. This was me.


The Beginning, Episode 2

In this episode I share how I heard about DID and how that changed my life forever. I also talk about my first integration experience and how Jesus helped me in the process. My hope is that you will embrace my story as I remember and tell it without judgement of my spiritual life.

Facing Myself(s) Podcast

Look for me soon on CastBox and other Podcast streamers.
DID Inside Out, Introduction, Episode 1

Firstly, DID is not an illness, it’s a disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Secondly, DID is an ingenious way the body and mind choose to cope in a traumatic situation. Finally, I will do my best to be transparent, honest, courageous, and loving in my posts.

Facing Myself(s)

Brokenness Comes in All Shapes & Sizes

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Welcome to My New Blog & Podcast Adventure

DID has been part of my life ever since I experienced the trauma of sexual abuse as a child for several years. When I discovered I was DID about 15-years ago, I began to process portions of the trauma and now I’m ready to do more work. So, I’ve decided to do this Blog and Podcast as part of my path to healing. I am in therapy as well to help me along the way.

Let me start by saying that DID is real, although I think there are many forms and definitions of the disorder out there. And I think we must be cautious of what we choose to believe.

Firstly, DID is not an illness, it’s a disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Secondly, DID is an ingenious way the body and mind choose to cope in a traumatic situation. Finally, I will do my best to be transparent, honest, courageous, and loving in my posts.

Super Scared,

Jana

P.S.: Though I do have multiple personalities, I do not experience switching to them in dramatic ways, like changing clothes, ages and voices. So, if you are looking for that, you’re in the wrong place.